Welcome to our lesson on strategic attention
- In this section, you will learn
- What strategic attention is
- Why strategic attention is important
- How to use strategic attention to improve behaviors
strategic attention overview
what is strategic attention?
- Ignoring specific behaviors you don't like
- Not yelling, talking, or lecturing about the behavior in the moment
- Not responding with facial expressions or eye contact
- In some cases, turning away from the child or leaving the room
-
AND
Giving attention to behaviors you do like - Eye contact and facial expressions
- Using PRIDE skills and talking about the child's behavior
- Joining or turning toward your child
You are in control of what gets your attention.
What does strategic attention look & sound like?
Child knocks over blocks because they are upset.
- Caregiver says nothing and plays with their own blocks.
Then, child sits and plays with blocks gently.
- Caregiver pays attention to this behavior: "Nice job using your gentle hands with the blocks."
Child calls the caregiver “stupid” while they talk about whether the child can see a movie.
- Caregiver keeps talking and keeps their face neutral.
The next thing the child says is “I just really want to see it.”
- Caregiver pays attention to appropriate words. "You really want to see it."
Good times to use strategic attention
Click below to read more:
For example,
- Curse words or potty talk
- Making noises or using different voices
- Being silly
- Playing in a way you don’t like but isn’t dangerous
- Having an annoyed tone or attitude
Use strategic attention as a time out for yourself. Take this time to do some self care. For example,
Get a glass of water
Take 5 deep breaths
Do a grounding meditation
Read your favorite book
For example,
- Crying or having a tantrum and can’t be calmed
- Falling to the floor, screaming, throwing toys
strategic attention in action
Why is strategic attention important?
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Children want their caregiver’s attention. They will keep doing whatever gets them attention.
Some children mostly get attention when they do something their caregiver doesn’t like. In this case, the child will keep doing those things to get attention.
Try instead to give lots of attention to behaviors you like and ignore the minor things you don’t like. This shows the child that negative behaviors will not get your attention. They will learn that they get your attention when they do the things you like.
Big emotions make it hard to think or talk logically.
When children have big emotions, many caregivers want to ask why they are upset or tell them why they don’t have to be upset. But, talking can overwhelm the child and make it harder to calm down.
Instead, try to stay quiet and use calming skills until your child is calm. Then give lots of positive attention when you child is calm and can talk about what happened.
You don’t have to fix everything right away. Try to use that time to practice calming skills. Then, help your child when you are both ready.
When and how should I use strategic attention?
Learn how strategic attention can be used by selecting a specific difficult behavior below.
More: Learn how strategic attention can be used by selecting a specific positive behavior/goal below.
Caregiver Voices
Other caregivers share how they use strategic attention at home:
“If they sit there and ‘mom, mom, mom,’ [I said] ‘Hey, I’m talking, give me two minutes. And then I’ll focus on you.’ You know, at first my kids were like, ‘mom, mom, mom.’ But the more I did that and then did the ignore, my kids actually respected the fact that I was actually in a conversation and they’d ask once, I’d respond to them, then they’d stop and they’d go play. And then it’s like, ‘Hey, we’re done talking. You ready?’ And then they’d bring their toys over and we would play. So not only did I learn how to respect them, my kids learned how to respect me too. […] They learned how to respect me in a good way. Not in a scared way.”
How would you use strategic attention?
Match the situation with the most appropriate response. Do this by dragging the actions or statements to the correct box.
Ideas for fun strategic attention activities
You can have fun with strategic attention by playing “Made you laugh!” with your child. In this game you will keep a straight, still face while your child tries to make you laugh. You will not laugh at rude or negative behavior (e.g., sticking tongue out) but always laugh at sweet, silly, or kind behavior (e.g., child smiling big, making silly faces).
Video of strategic attention: "Make Mum Laugh"
My plan for strategic attention
Think about how you can use strategic attention at home.
Hooray! You've learned a new skill: Strategic Attention
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