Welcome to our lesson on effective commands
- In this section, you will learn
- What effective commands are
- Why effective commands are important
- How to use effective commands to improve behaviors
Effective commands overview
WHAT IS AN EFFECTIVE COMMAND?
- A command is a direction or instruction.
- An effective command is a clear instruction of what to do.
- An effective command tells a child they need to listen right away.
Effective commands make it easier for children to listen.
WHAT MAKES AN EFFECTIVE COMMAND?
Make sure you command is effective by following these steps:
Calmly Tell Your Child Exactly What To Do, Then Wait.
When you are calm, your child is more likely to remain calm.
Your child will learn to listen always, rather than only when you yell.
When you are calm, you are in control of your own emotions and responses.
If you ask (“Can you brush your teeth?”) or suggest (“Let’s brush your teeth”), a perfectly reasonable response from your child is “no” or “I don’t want to.”
When you tell (“Please brush your teeth”), following directions is the only reasonable response.
Make sure your child can do what you tell them to do. If the task is too difficult, your child cannot comply and will likely get frustrated.
Remember the steps for learning skills:
Do it for me -> Do it with me -> Help me do it -> I can do it myself.
If you want your child to learn to do something, try starting with a command to do it with you (“Please help me make your bed”).
Try to be clear and specific about behaviors (“sit still” vs. “be good”). This
- Makes it easier for your child to know how to comply
- Reduces the need for questions
- Makes it easier for you to know whether your child is listening
Avoid “no, don’t, stop, quit, not” in commands.
- Some children tune out these words because they hear them so often. So, when a parent says, “don’t throw the toys,” the child just hears “throw the toys.”
- For some children, these words are like a challenge. If a parent says “don’t,” then the child wants to do the behavior just to see what happens.
Children might not know what you want if you only tell them what not to do. For example, “don’t run” could mean “hop or cartwheel instead.” “Please walk calmly” makes it clear what to do. It is easier for children to listen when they know what to do.
Pause for 5 seconds after giving a command to give your child a chance to listen.
Be quiet during this time so your child does not feel rushed or overwhelmed.
Children’s brains can take 5 seconds to understand what you said and start to move their bodies in response.
What do effective commands sound like?
- Please walk in the hallway.
- Please keep your hands to yourself.
- Hold my hand when we cross the street.
- Please sit down.
- Wash your hands for dinner.
Effective commands live in action
Why are Effective Commands Important?
Click below to read more:
Most children want to listen to their parents and make good choices, they just need help. Effective commands make it as easy as possible for children to listen.
It can be hard for children to listen, so you want to set them up for success. It is not helpful to give commands when your child is already upset and having trouble calming down. Use your other skills in that situation.
Children hear a lot of commands in a day. When they hear too many, they start to tune them out or find ways to take back control. Try to use your other skills first, like when-then statements, strategic attention, and choices. Only use effective commands when something needs to be done right away. Then, your child is less likely to respond “no.”
It is really frustrating for children when they don’t know how to please their caregivers. When commands are confusing, negatively stated, or too difficult, children might think “What do you want from me?” They might give up or get angry. Effective commands put pressure on caregivers to know what they want and say it clearly, instead of on children to figure out what their caregiver wants.
When and how should I use effective commands?
Learn how effective commands can be used by selecting a specific difficult behavior below.
More: Learn how rules can be used by selecting a specific positive behavior/goal below.
What if my child asks why?
Click below to read more:
Sometimes children ask “why” after parents give a command because they want to delay. Other times, not knowing why they have to do something or what comes next makes them anxious.
Reduce how often your child asks “why” by letting your child know why in advance. For example, “It’s time to leave for school. Please put on your shoes.” Or “Your brother is getting frustrated. Please share a toy with him.”
Using transitions also helps reduce the need to ask “why.”
Caregiver Voices
Other caregivers share how they use effective commands at home:
Which is the effective command?
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Question #6
Ideas for fun activities with effective commands
Print or create an easy maze on a piece of paper. Have your child set their pencil at the start of the maze, then close their eyes. Using effective commands, help your child get through the maze without looking. Then switch roles!
If you’re feeling very adventurous, try setting up a maze in your house or outside. Use effective to commands to help your child walk through it blindfolded.
My plan for effective commands
Think about how you can use effective commands at home.
Hooray! You've learned a new skill: Effective Commands
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