Welcome to our lesson on Choices
- In this section, you will learn
- What choices are
- Why choices are important
- How to use choices to improve behaviors
Choices overview
what are choices?
- Giving two options for what your child can do. You should be OK with both options.
- Using the word "OR" to make it clear that the child is making one choice.
- Letting your child have control to choose between two good options.
Choices are most useful when you give a reason and two clear choices.
What do choices sound like?
- It's time to get in the car. You have two choices: I can help you put your shoes on, OR you can put your shoes on by yourself.
- It's almost time for bed. You have a choice: You can brush your teeth first, OR you can get dressed first.
- You have homework tonight. You have two choices: You can do your homework before you go outside to play, OR you can do your homework after dinner instead of watching TV."
- You are fighting over the game. You have a choice: You can use kind words with each other and take turns playing the game, OR you can go outside and play something else."
Choices live in action
Why are choices important?
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Children need to learn how to make good choices. Giving choices tells children what the appropriate options are. This helps them make their own good choice without getting overwhelmed or confused.
Almost every part of a child’s life is controlled by the adults around them. For example, adults tell children when and what to eat, when to sleep, when and where to go to school, what to wear, and what they can play with. Giving your child choices throughout the day gives them a sense of control in their own life.
Making their own choices helps children feel more confident and self-aware. It can help them feel like their actions are important and that their decisions matter.
When and How should I use choices?
Learn how choices can be used by selecting a specific difficult behavior below.
More: Learn how choices can be used by selecting a specific positive behavior/goal below.
Pay attention to your words
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Be concise and direct. Use clear, specific words that are easy for your child to understand.
This is especially important when your child is upset or stressed. Children struggle to process a lot of words and manage their emotions at the same time.
For choices to be effective, your child needs to see that you mean what you say. This means that you are willing to let them do what they choose. Make sure you are OK with both options before you give a choice.
Caregiver Voices
Other caregivers share how they use choices at home:
How would you use choices?
Question #1
You are in a rush to leave the house with your child. Your child has just learned to tie their own shoes and wants to wear their new sneakers. There is enough time for them to tie their own shoes if they start right now, or they can wear their old pair without laces.
Question #2
Your child just got home from school and wants to play with a friend in the backyard. They also want to play video games after dinner. However, they have an hour of homework to complete tonight.
Question #3
Your toddler is becoming independent. They have started throwing tantrums over getting dressed in the morning. They want to choose their own outfit. But, they end up pulling out all of their clothes and then cannot decide on anything. This causes them to meltdown.
IDEAS FOR FUN choices ACTIVITIES
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There are many “Choose Your Own Adventure” books available for kids! In these books, your child gets to choose what the character will do next, and then flip to that page (for example, “Open the door – Go to page 95; Walk away – Go to page 28”). Their choices decide what happens in the adventure. This allows kids to exercise choices in a fun and creative way.
Have a family game night at least once a month. Allow your child to choose which game to play first.
When playing board games or card games with your child, let them explore and make choices. Offer help if they ask for it, but otherwise let them experiment. When they make a mistake, don’t shame them. Instead, praise them for trying something new and for the creativity of their choices.
When possible, include your child on dinner choices. For example, “Tonight we can either have spaghetti and broccoli, or we can have hamburgers and salad. Which one should we choose?”
For older children, you can also encourage them to make dinner with you and help you choose ingredients. For example, “Should we put carrots, nuts, or both in the salad?”
My plan for CHOICES
Think about how you can use choices at home.
Hooray! You've learned a new skill: Choices
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