Welcome to our lesson on recovery
- In this section, you will learn
- What recovery is
- Why recovery is important
- How to use recovery to improve behaviors
Recovery overview
What is recovery?
- Prevention
- A chance to stop negative behaviors before they start.
- Can happen any time you put a demand on a child. After the demand, focus on PRIDE skills and avoid more demands.
- Repair
- A chance to calm down and re-focus on your relationship after a hard interaction.
- Can happen any time your child doesn't listen or you have a hard interaction. Focus on calming first. Then, think about what you like about your child, and find something fun to do together to make your relationship feel better.
What Does Recovery for prevention look and sound Like?
The child has completed a command or has had a negative consequence.
The caregiver uses about 10 PRIDE skills before giving a new command.
- I have a really good time playing blocks with you.
- We are building a really tall tower together!
- You're doing great choosing pieces.
- I'm going to make a pattern like you are.
Recovery live in action
What does recovery for repair look and sound like?
Recovery for repair looks and sounds different at different times. It depends on the situation and your child’s needs.
Click below to read more:
Use recovery to let your child know that it’s ok to feel sad and that you are there.
You might hug your child, then breathe deeply and slowly. You might say, “It’s ok to be sad. I’m right here with you.” Then be quiet. When your child starts to talk or play, start to describe, imitate, and reflect your child.
Use recovery to help yourself calm down and to bring positivity back to your relationship.
Try to spend a few minutes alone calming down. Think of three things your child did well in the last two days.
Then sit near your child and start doing something you both enjoy. You might sit on the other side of the couch or outside their bedroom door. You might start to read out loud one of your favorite books to read together or turn on music you both like.
Avoid telling them to come out or becoming overly enthusiastic when they join you. Stay calm and continue to do what you’re doing. Maybe rub their back if they sit close to you. Let them know you care about them and are happy they came over.
why is recovery important?
Click below to read more:
Children need structure and consequences. But, it is important for them to know that even if they get in trouble, it does not change how you feel about them.
Recovery after a big demand or challenging behavior can help both you and your child get back to a calm positive state and make your relationship stronger. Try not to force them to come back to play before they are ready. Be sensitive to their temperament and needs.
When you give yourself space to calm down, you can think about what got in the way of your child making a better choice.
Was your child tired, hungry, or thirsty?
Were they already sad, angry, worried, or overwhelmed?
Did they have the skills to do the task by themself?
Did you give too many instructions all at once, interrupt your child, or yell?
Children might feel resentment or anger when they have to do something they don’t want to do. Too many commands in a row can make your child feel out of control or too pressured. This can lead to outbursts, tantrums, or defiance.
Recovery reduces these feelings. Try to use about 10 PRIDE skills after each command. This reduces pressure on your child. It focuses everyone’s attention on what the child is doing well and on having a good time together.
Everyone gets overwhelmed sometimes and wants to yell or tantrum. Most adults have learned how to manage these feelings so they can cope with feeling overwhelmed without a tantrum. Children still need to learn this skill. Recovery is a time to model calming skills and gently teach your child how to calm down.
when and how should I use recovery?
Pay attention to your tone of voice
Click below to read more:
When children have an outburst or tantrum, their body’s stress response is high (see regulation). If you yell or speak angrily, they will quickly become more stressed. Then, the outburst may be stronger or last longer.
The body has a similar response to excitement and stress. Both make the heart race and breath get faster (see regulation). If your child is just starting to calm down from an outburst, try to avoid excited praises. The child’s body might respond as it would to stress. This can make the outburst stronger or last longer.
Instead, keep your voice calm. Describe, imitate, and reflect more than praise until your child is fully calm and in a better mood.
Caregiver Voices
Other caregivers share how they use recovery at home.
After we get in a fight or my daughter storms off, I usually get a drink of water and try to distract myself. When I’m in an ok space, I knock on her door and let her know I’m going to do something like watch a show or work on a puzzle. I try to focus on whatever I’m doing, then stay mostly quiet when she joins me. Usually she starts talking, and I just try to follow along. Following her lead during recovery takes so much pressure off me to make her feel better.
How would you use recovery?
Question #1
In which of these situations would you want to use recovery?
Question #2
Your child refused to clean up the toys. They lost three privileges, yelled at you, then ran to their room screaming. How would you use recovery?
Question #3
Which of the following behaviors is recovery?
ideas for fun recovery activities
Silly games that let you use your PRIDE skills are great for recovery.
For young children (0-4 years): Pick an animal to imitate: “I am going to hop like a bunny!” Begin to hop and say: “I bet you can hop like a bunny just like me!” Once your child begins to imitate you and hop like you, you can describe and praise them. Then let your child pick the next animal. Make sure you use your PRIDE skills as you play.
For older children (5+ years). Come up with an action that can be easily done in charades (swimming, jumping, brushing teeth, rowing a boat). Instead of your child trying to guess, they need to follow your actions and imitate you!
Parent: “See if you can follow me like my mirror!” (pretend to row a boat)
Child: (watches what parent is doing, then pretends to row a boat too)
Parent: “You are doing a great job following me! You are rowing a boat just like me! Now it’s your turn. I’ll follow you like your mirror.”
My plan for RECOVERY
Think about how you can use recovery at home.
Hooray! You've learned a new skill: Recovery
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