Welcome to our lesson on preparing for the future
- In this section, you will learn
- Why children may still have challenging behaviors
- How to use your relationship to help the behaviors
- How the environment, development, and mental health can impact behavior
Challenging behaviors will occur
- All children have challenging behaviors from time to time. This is a normal part of growing up.
- A child’s job is to try new things and to push limits. It is how they learn and make sense of the world.
- A parent’s job is to be understanding but consistent when those behaviors occur.
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Even if they complain, it makes children feel better when they know where their boundaries are. They see that their parents are strong and caring enough to maintain those boundaries.
Challenging behaviors occur within relationships
Your relationship with your child is the most important parenting tool you have.
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Laughter, smiles, and time together build strong relationships. Your child will want to behave well because it is fun and rewarding to be with you. They will also be more likely to go to you with concerns and problems because they know you can support them.
If challenging behaviors happen a lot, first check in about your relationship. Be honest as you ask yourself:
- How much fun time do you spend together?
- What do you usually talk about or do together?
Over time, you might have stopped playing together as much. You and your child might have started arguing more or getting frustrated easily. In this case, focus first on your relationship. Have more play time and do more fun activities together. Use your PRIDE skills!
Or, you might still play together regularly, talk openly, and spend quality time together. If challenging behaviors happen, think about what else might be going on.
Challenging behaviors can be related to...
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After you focus on your relationship, challenging behaviors might still happen. In this case, think about what might be going on in your child’s environment:
School
- Are there big projects coming up?
- Is your child feeling overwhelmed at school?
- Is your child is being bullied?
- Are they struggling to find friends or trying to manage other social problems?
Home
- Has anything has changed at home?
- Did you move?
- Did someone move in or out of the home?
- Has there been more arguing?
- Have caregivers or siblings been more stressed?
- Are all caregivers being consistent in how they parent?
Other activities
- Is your child feeling pressure in a sport or activity?
- Is your child spending so much time in activities that they don’t have time to relax?
Some challenging behaviors are a normal part of growing up. As a child’s brain develops, they might have bigger emotions and need more help to cope. Children also tend to be more irritable and have more challenging behaviors during physical and mental growth spurts. These behaviors usually get better after a few days or weeks.
If this is the case, be consistent with your PC-CARE skills. Make plenty of time for fun and relaxing time together. Make regulation part of your life. Keep routines and structure. Try to remember that your child is changing and not acting like this on purpose.
Some challenging behaviors happen because your child has mental health needs. Reach out for support if:
- Your child’s behaviors keep happening even though you use PC-CARE skills consistently and have regular fun time together.
- Your child’s behaviors get a lot worse in a short period of time.
- Your child says they want to hurt themself or someone else.
- You are worried that you can’t keep them safe.
- You aren’t sure what’s happening and want support.
A mental health professional can help you understand your child’s needs and connect them to the support that will be most helpful.
Parenting is hard and wonderful
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It forces you to think about everything you do. It asks you to be consistent even when you don’t want to be. It makes you place the needs of your children above your own preferences. It takes energy and commitment.
It lets you watch as your child develops their own personality. It helps you learn about the world with your child. It gives you times of joy and love.
Remember the things you love about your child. Daydream about your child and their future. Try to find interest and delight in the new things they are learning and doing.
Build a strong relationship by having fun times together. Show a willingness to learn and grow together. Create trust as you maintain clear, consistent boundaries.
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