Understanding Your Child Negative Cycles

Welcome to our lesson on cycles of negative behavior

  • In this section, you will learn
  • What are cycles of negative behavior.
  • New ways of reacting to negative behavior to break the cycle and reduce stress.

What are Negative Cycles?

Let's look at an example of negative cycles.​

example negative cycle

Click on any button for a description. 

Child runs around and yells.
Child feels angry and defiant.
Caregiver feels angry and frustrated.
Caregiver yells at child to stop.

How can you break Negative Cycles?

Now let's look at ways to break this negative cycle.

Breaking the cycle with calm

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Child runs around and yells.
Caregiver calms self.
Caregiver realizes the child has a lot of energy and decides to go outside.
  • Child runs around outside. Child and caregiver are both happy.

  • Breaking the cycle

  • This caregiver used calming skills to calm down and think more clearly. They realized the child was running and yelling because the child had so much energy. Instead of making the child calm down, the parent took the child outside. This let the child run around without getting in trouble.

Breaking the cycle with redirect

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Child runs around and yells.
Caregiver feels angry and frustrated.
Caregiver redirects child to a different activity.
Child focuses on the new activity.
  • Child is happy, does not run or yell.

  • Breaking the cycle

  • This caregiver felt angry and frustrated. However, they remembered their PC-CARE skill of redirect. Instead of yelling, they found a new activity for the child. They helped the child focus on something new. Once focused, the child was happy and did not run or yell.

Breaking the cycle with safety words

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Child runs around and yells.
Caregiver feels angry and frustrated.
Caregiver yells at child to stop.
Child stops because they've learned "stop" is a safety word.
Child stops yelling; parent and child come up with a new activity.
  • Parent and child are happy.

  • Breaking the cycle

  • This caregiver learned to avoid negatives. They taught the child that "stop" is a safety word. Therefore, they only say "stop" when there is a safety issue. This child heard "stop," and knew it was a safety issue. The caregiver also recognized that children need direction, not just punishment. So they worked with the child to find something else to do.

Breaking the cycle with coping

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Child runs around and yells.
Caregiver feels angry and frustrated.
Caregiver yells at child to stop.
Child uses coping skills to calm down.
  • Child goes to a different area to play.

  • Breaking the cycle

  • In this example, the child used their coping skills to calm down and break the cycle. If children have support, they can sometimes use those skills to help break cycles. However, in most cases, a caregiver needs to be the person who breaks the cycle.

Reflection

Think about the negative cycles in your family. Write your reflections below:

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This child may be stuck inside all day with lots of energy. They might feel anxious or angry. They also may just be having fun.

Children often feel afraid and angry when their caregivers yell. These emotions can give children more energy and make them want to defy the caregiver. This may result in the child running around and yelling even more. If nothing changes, the negative cycle will continue.

Maybe the caregiver is trying to complete a task or take a break. The yelling and running might be overwhelming and make it hard to think. The caregiver's emotions take over.

It's hard to think through options when you are angry and frustrated. This caregiver tries the first and easiest thing they think of: yelling at the child to stop.

Caregiver notices they are starting to get upset. They take two deep breaths.

Once calm, the caregiver thinks about why the child is running and yelling. They realize the child has been inside all day and has a lot of energy. They take the child outside, where the child can run without getting in trouble.

The caregiver redirects the child with a different activity. The caregiver says, “I'm going to take a break to play with Playdough." The caregiver gets out the Playdough and starts to play. They give lots of positive attention when the child starts to play.

The child wants their caregiver's attention. So, they join the play. The positive attention helps the child feel good and focus on their play.

The caregiver yells "Stop!" due to safety. The caregiver is usually calm and avoids overusing the word "stop." So, the child has learned that "stop" is a safety word. The child paused because it was unexpected.

The caregiver and child find a new activity. Stopping is not enough. The child needs something to do instead of running around.

The child uses coping skills on their own. They have been practicing coping skills. So, they can use a coping skill in the moment to reduce anger and choose a new activity.